Taranjit
Dear future husband
How strange is it (or maybe it’s not that strange since we were raised like this) that all our lives we are told not to have a boyfriend (or girlfriend), and to stay away from the opposite sex, until we are of marriage age? Then, all of a sudden, we are told to speak with the opposite sex, and get to know each other to determine if we would be compatible.
First of all, talk about awkward and uncomfortable. All my life I had stayed away from guys, and have not really talked too much to them, and now on the dime I am supposed to have a conversation with you. I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time starting a conversation with someone I don’t know. A complete stranger in this case. Who may end up being the one I spend the rest of my life with, but time will only tell. I knew this moment was coming, but I am not at all prepared for this. We are not taught this in school or by our parents. We are just expected to be able to make a decision that will affect our entire life on the spot. It’s crazy.
Hopefully, you are comfortable enough to start the conversations. Because I am on the quieter side, and there is no way I will ask the questions first. Now that is something my relatives do know about me and will actually be accurate when they tell you about me. They might exaggerate it a bit, but that is expected. We grew up in a Punjabi household, and we should know this by now. That they exaggerate everything. But that means we should be good at reading between the lines and figuring out what the truth is from the exaggeration.
Before I make a decision, I need answers to many questions. But I don’t see myself as the one starting the conversation. Blame it on how I was raised. Hopefully, you are more comfortable getting the conversation started. Fair warning, it might take some time and getting comfortable with each other before I share details of my personal life. I mean. I just met you. You should understand. It’s just not who I am. It takes me time to become comfortable enough to share that kind of information or ask those kinds of questions. Ask my family. I don’t even share some things with them, and I have known them my entire life!
Second of all, how are we supposed to know in one meeting of maybe less than an hour, if we want to say yes or no to this marriage proposal? I sure can’t make a decision that fast, with barely any information. I barely know you, and I have to decide if you are the one I would want to marry? Sorry. That is too hard. The outcome of the rest of my life rests on this decision. It can’t be taken lightly and while under pressure. I bet you feel the same way. So, let’s take time to get to know each other. And there is no rush or pressure from my end. I hope it is the same from your end.
And I love (being sarcastic here, if you couldn’t tell) how we get word of a marriage proposal from an uncle who knows a relative who knows your family. And this said uncle provides us with information about you to my parents from what he thinks he knows. He THINKS he knows. So, the information he gives us may not even be accurate. And you should know this, being Punjabi and all, that Punjabis like to exaggerate.
They make things seem better than they actually are. Not that I am saying you aren’t a great guy. But I would like the actual truth, not a fabrication or exaggeration, if you know what I mean. After all, the rest of my life is at stake here (and I will keep repeating this because its true).
My uncle probably doesn’t really know what you do for a living, when you graduated, what degree you got, or how much you make. There is no way he knows all that. The only way to find out is from you directly. And for that, we need to talk.
Would you believe everything a relative of yours told you about me? I would be questionable if it is the real truth or the exaggerated version. My own parents don’t even know everything about me as well as they think they do. If you ask them what I do for a living, they will tell you what they think I do. They are clueless, too. Maybe not as clueless as the uncle that is bringing the proposal to me or you, but still just a tad clueless.
However, the information they do give is our first impression of each other, whether it is correct or not. Which is kind of scary to think about. The proposals that I will get will be based off of what my uncle thinks he knows about me and what he thinks I want in a partner, whether it is accurate or not. Wow. I never really thought of it that way until now. But that is our main way of finding our future spouse. We don’t do dating or online dating sites. It’s just not allowed.
How shocked would your parents be if they found out you found your future wife yourself? Mine would probably lose it. They would never allow it. But who knows, your parents may be more modern than mine. The only way to find out is to talk with each other directly.
Speaking of talking with one another, I really hope we are not seated next to each other in front of everyone and told to talk to each other. Because, I know I won’t say much with everyone watching. I don’t like all that attention. Give us some space and let us talk alone. We will get to know each other much better than when all the eyes are on us. It’s just too much pressure with the aunties just watching you the entire time.
If this proposal does move forward, then I guess I get to know you more at our first in-person meeting. Until then, keep dreaming and enjoy life. See ya when I see you.
Sincerely,
Every Modern Punjabi Girl, awaiting for her “Prince Charming” before she says “Yes”
Related Articles:
