Taranjit
Dear Future Husband,
Are you feeling the pressure, too? We should have expected it right? Once you reach a certain age, usually you mid to late 20s, all the relatives start bombarding you with the same few questions. You finished collage? You have a job? It’s time for you to get married. We need to find you a guy.
Well, that is all I hear now. Whenever I am around a lot of aunties that is the topic they always talk about. I would like to go back to when all they would ask and talk about was weight. At least, that conversation was not about getting me hitched and sent away from my family. My “American” friends would probably say, getting married can’t be that bad. Yea, but you have no idea what it means to get married in an Indian household.
First of all, it’s not going to be just you and your husband. Nope. You will most likely live with your husband, and his family. There is no alone time literally. You are expected to take on so many responsibilities and do all the housework. That part of living with in-laws always comes as a shocker to my friends. They ask, why? And can’t you just get your own place? Like it’s that easy. Indian parents just don’t want to let their kids go, and we are huge on family staying together. Except for the part where the guy gets to stay with his family, but the girl has leave hers behind.
I don’t know how close you are with your family, but my sister and I are pretty tight. I don’t know if I would be able to live without her. She is my best friend, and we literally do everything together.
Back to aunties when all they talked about was weight. In that moment, I used to always feel like why is this the only thing they ever talk about? Oh, you lost so much weight. How did you do it? What is your diet plan? Or, you are so skinny. You need to eat more. Fills your plate to the brim with all kinds of food.
Now, it’s always about finding a guy for me. Or telling me about other young men who are of marriageable age and how great they are. Yes, auntie. Thank you, but I am not ready to get married. I am not ready to be tied down, and give up the little freedom I just recently got. You have no idea how long it took me to convince my parents to give me this small sliver of freedom, and now that I finally got a wee bit, you want to take it away from me? Let me enjoy the single life for a little longer. You should know firsthand how marriage changes the way you can live life.
I know times have changed, but have the mindset of Indians changed that much? If you came from India or were born there, sorry, it is definitely not happening. The guy I marry has to be born in America. And of course, he has to be Sikh. My parents will make sure of that. But, I have to spend the rest of my life with you. If you think that you can order me around and make me do all the house work, then my friend, you are not looking for a wife, you are looking for a house keeper or a maid. I am sure we don’t have to get married for you to have that. Look around, you will find one. I am a modern girl with traditional values, and I will not be tied down. If you have changed with time and won’t treat your wife like typical Indian men, then there may be a chance. But I have yet to see a Punjabi Sikh man who does not have that old mindset.
I am not going to stand for the man is the boss and the wife has to do what he says. If you want to marry me, you have to treat me as an equal. Times have changed, and your mindset should, too. I hope you are open to sharing the house chores with me. After all, you live there, too. Let’s get them done together, so we can finish faster and have time to spend with each other doing fun things, like going out or chilling on the couch and watching movies. If you think you have those qualities in you, then I think we can talk further. Until then, wish you the best of luck in your search.
Sincerely,
Every Modern Punjabi Girl, awaiting for her “Prince Charming” before she says “Yes”
