Taranjit
Dear Future Husband,
The information is in on guy #3. My aunt called and gave my mom all the deets (who, of course, gave me all the deets). Apparently, he is the son of my uncle’s friend. So they know each other really well. Which I am not sure how to take it. This could be a good thing in that they can provide us with an accurate depiction of this guy or it could be a bad thing. They could omit information or embellish details to make him more appealing. After all, it is his friend’s son.
Who is guy #3, you ask? Here’s the snapshot of the conversation. He is 24 years old, lives in Washington, and his dad owns several businesses.
My immediate gut instinct is no. Nope. He is not the one (A sign from God you might say. But, of course, us humans don’t get the hints right away. The hints always make sense later or after the fact). But I proceeded to listen to all my mom had gathered before I voiced this decision of mine. Guy #3 didn’t finish college. His dad got sick or hurt or something and he had to drop out to take care of him. Now who knows what is the real reason guy #3 dropped out or if this is the truth. Because Punjabis love to exaggerate or hide information to make their kid look good. I will never know until we talk ourselves. It’s the only way to find out the truth.
Anyways, guy #3 said he would eventually go back and finish college. But, you and I both know this well, that that might not actually happen. I have seen it a lot with people around me. They all say they will go back and get that degree, but life always gets in the way and they never end up being able to do it. But, I still continued to listen. I let my mom finish.
Guy #3 is working currently. He works for his dad who owns a bunch of hotels in the Washington area. Which, okay. Cool. But, then when I heard the next piece of information, it finalized my decision and there was no changing it after that.
Guy #3’s parents want a girl who will essentially be a housewife. His dad basically said that, if I were to marry his son, there is no need for me to go out and work for someone else or have my own career. I can just help around here and there at their hotels.
Now this point really hit me hard (Not literally, of course.) Women worked so hard for independence and the right to make their own decisions, and you want me to go back into the old ways women lived their lives? This totally sounds like an old-minded, traditional way of thinking. The type of thinking I do not agree with.
I went to university for a reason. And for what? Just to waste money on 2 degrees? Or just to end my career when its only starting and be a secretary for a hotel? A job that probably doesn’t require 2 degrees. Nope. There is no way. Hard pass. I am definitely not desperate to get married at all. And into this family? No thank you. I would be miserable there. Not to mention, they are on the complete opposite side of the country. I would miss my family too much. I couldn’t live that far from them.
My mom keeps telling me that location shouldn’t matter. That I can tell him to move where I want to live once we are married. But we both know that that is not how it works. It would not be that simple. I know how Punjabi guys are raised and getting him to move would probably not end well.
And of course, I agree, where he lives should not be the sole reason why I decline a proposal. However, I, for one, hate the cold. I definitely don’t want to live somewhere that is any colder than where I am now. I would not survive. And, two, I could never live in a state that is known for raining most of the year. I would be miserable. I need sunshine.
Putting this fact aside, his age also bothered me. He is 24. That means he is younger than me, and I would prefer a guy who is older than me. Because guys mature later in life compared to girls. So, my logic here is that he has not reached my level of maturity yet. Another reason why our thinking and mentality might be different. In order for marriage to be successful, you need to agree on a certain things: religion, number of kids we want, finances, and values (to name a few).
I am still willing to put the age and location factor aside and get to know the guy before I do commit to my decision. But, after hearing that I can’t continue my career, everything else I was being told about him, went in one ear and out the other. I didn’t want to hear it. Nothing my mom told me could make that fact better and make me say yes. That’s why this gut feeling was different than the first two. It was unsettling and now I know why. So, I told my mom that my answer is a definite no and there is nothing that can be done to change it. No need to drag this one out for weeks. Just let them know and they can find someone else.
Now I am curious why the other girl or girls before me said no to this guy. Was it truly because he was not clean-shaven or was it the other tidbits of information? I seriously think they are hiding something. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore since he is not the one.
Let’s see how my aunt takes it when my mom tells her about my decision. I don’t think she will take it too well.
Sincerely,
Every Modern Punjabi Girl, awaiting for her “Prince Charming” before she says “Yes”
Related Articles:
