Taranjit
Dear Future Husband,
Have you ever dated someone? Did you have a girlfriend? Or were you the good son your Indian parents thought you were? You listened to everything they said and didn’t break their rules. No hanging out with girls, no dating, and no doing any of that stuff until after marriage.
I don’t know about you, but I am that good daughter except on the days my parents get mad, and anything I do could have been done better. Because that is when the comparisons start. So and so’s daughter does this and that, and what do you do. Well, did you know that so and so’s daughter goes out, parties, and drinks?! I don’t do any of that. If only my parents saw the truth, but obviously they don’t see the behind the scenes of so and so’s life. They only see what she shows them, and of course, what they see is that she is better than me.
Going a little off topic. One day, I was on my tablet, and I was smiling as I was looking at something. And my mom was like, who are you talking to, a boyfriend? What?! No, mom. You have literally etched it into my brain and DNA to not date or have a boyfriend. And the first thing to come to your mind is I must be talking to a boy. First of all, if I were, why would I be doing it right in front of you? Wouldn’t I do it in private or when you are not right there? Second of all, hello? Have you met me? I would never. I would feel too guilty afterwards.
But, one can dream, right? So, future hubby. If you never had a girlfriend, have you dreamed about having one? What was she like? I bet you lived happily ever after (too cheezy, huh? Well, I guess I am more of a romatic or it’s the effect of watching too many romcoms.) Why wouldn’t you be happy? Your dreams are the only thing your parents can’t control, and don’t have to know about. It’s the one place you have all the freedom to live life like you want to live it, and you are the one in control of what happens in those dreams.
I have dreamed. More like wondered what it would be like to have a boyfriend. I am ready to have a partner, but not quite ready to commit and settle down. Obviously, the guy I dream about dating will be the one I marry, and still sticking to how I was raised that nothing intimate will happen until after marriage. But having that person that chose you would be nice. A boyfriend that picked you to be his. He loves you for you and wasn’t forced to love you by family or arranged marriage.
I dream about that. Someone I can talk to when I am feeling lonely. But, I try not to dream about that often because I have to keep my feet on the ground. I can’t get my hopes up only to get them crushed when reality hits.
These kinds of things only happen in movies. Real life doesn’t tend to result in the man of your dreams magically coming into your life and you live happily ever after.
I hope you have some of the qualities that I want in a future partner. Otherwise, spending the rest of our lives together would be extremely hard if we are constantly butting heads.
Obviously, our first few weeks or months of marriage are going to be so awkward. At least for me. I don’t know about you. I can see it now. We are complete strangers, well kind of, who practically will be getting married first and then getting to know each other. So backwards from how it works here in America. But our parents have done it, their parents have done it, and that is all they know. Luckily, for us, we have modern technology. We have more ways to start to get to know each other before our wedding. Texting, social media, and video calls all make it easier for us to get to know this stranger our parents have picked out for us.
Fair warning. Getting to know me can be tough because I don’t let you in to know the full me until I feel I can trust you. And, that my friend, takes time. I just have been hurt one too many times in my life. So, no, I will most likely not be an open book on the first meeting.
When we first start talking, it will be awkward and filled with lots of silence. And you may be sharing more about yourself than I do about myself. And since I have been hurt too many times, the less the other person knows about you, the less they can use it against you.
So, my personal life stays with me. Not even my immediate family knows everything about me. I hide it. Until, you can show me that you actually care, and I can trust you to not use it against me, I won’t open up. I don’t need the whole world to know what is going on in my personal life. It’s called personal for a reason.
Growing up in an Indian household, I know how much aunties love to gossip. I am sure you have experienced the same thing. So, I just don’t put it out there. Less for them to gossip about. Plus, they don’t usually tell it how it is. They mangle up the facts and add their own flavors to it, until half the stuff coming out of their mouths is false. But, we have to learn to live with it.
And my future is in their hands. Oh God, please help. I never thought about it that way until now. Have you? They play a huge role in helping find me a guy. And the funny thing is, they don’t know anything about me. What are they going to tell a potential family-in-law of my mine? Oh, she is such a nice girl. She has two degrees, knows how to cook, and very simple. Yet, they don’t know anything about me. It is all who they think I am, and this is the information that is going to be relayed to you, and vice versa to me. How am I supposed to make the most important decision of my life based off information form some auntie who barely knows you? That is so scary.
I hope I didn’t freak you out. I kind of freaked myself out a little, but just need to remember to stay calm and leave it to God. After all, he knows what is best for us, and won’t give us anything we don’t deserve. All you have to do is believe.
Sincerely,
Every Modern Punjabi Girl, awaiting for her “Prince Charming” before she says “Yes”
