Taranjit
Dear future husband,
I just got another marriage proposal. Out of the blue. When I, again least expected it. I just love how Indians that come to you with marriage proposals base it off of what they saw and not really on who you are. They don’t even actually know who I am as a person, what my interests are, or what I want in life. They just know my parents and that we are a nice family. And then just assume from there. The girl must be nice, so let’s propose to her to marry so and so’s son. That is all. How absurd is that? How are you supposed to know if the two of us are compatible just from looks? Haven’t you heard that looks can be deceiving? Not that I am saying, my looks are deceiving because what you see is what you get. I am not at all pretentious. But, still. The idea of the arranged marriage process is strange.
Not to mention, the very little amount of detail we are provided when we are told, there is this boy for your daughter. Okay… Can I get some details, please? I am not going to agree to marry him just from knowing he is a guy. I need more to go on. Help me out here.
So, my uncle, first of all, decides to call my mom and tell her this news after he had a little too much to drink. Which, how accurate was the information that he was giving to us in the first place? And second of all, he doesn’t even know much about the proposed guy himself, he just tells us what he thinks he knows. That is crazy! I am supposed to make my decision off of that? How can I?
Are you comfortable making a decision from just knowing I am a girl, and my family is very nice? Didn’t think so.
When my mom got off the phone, she told me that there is guy for me in Virginia. Knowing the state he lives in did check one thing off my list: the short distance from my family. I may wish to be away from them on some days, but I still love them too much to be too far away from them. I don’t think I would be able to live across the country from them.
Speaking of family, I hope you are not going to stop me from seeing my family. Because my sister and I are so close that we would not be able to live without each other. Like close close. Like we have talked about having neighboring houses or at least be in the same town. That’s how close. We can’t imagine our life without each other. It’s just not possible.
Then my mom tells me what my uncle believed to be guy #1’s salary. Wait, a second. He told you his salary? I highly doubt it. There is no way. And if he did, there is no way that is accurate. Punjabis’ like to exaggerate and overcompensate sometimes, and I have a feeling this may be the case here.
My mom continues relaying the information to me, and she tells me that he finished college, has a business degree in economy or something like that, and he is working. His dad owns his own business, but the son is working somewhere else and maybe in the future he will operate his own business, too. From what I am getting, these are a lot of maybes and not enough concrete facts. And are they trying to sell me something? Glorifying all the facts to make it sound more appealing? I ‘m not buying a car here. This is someone I may end up spending the rest of my life with. Maybe in the future he will operate his own business. We have all been there. Dreaming of what we want to do, but the number of people who actually follow through are very low. All I am hearing is a lot of speculations going on. How am I supposed to base a decision off of that? After all, this is decision will affect the rest of my life.
Okay. There is one appealing detail about this guy. He finished college. SBut, when did he finish it? Is he younger than me or older? How much of an age gap do we have? I don’t think I would be able to do more than a 3-year age gap. Even 5 years seems too much to me. Think about it. When I was a freshman in high school, guy #1 was starting college. That is like a generation gap, and I have already seen the major differences that come in thinking and mentality with a huge age gap with my parents. Not happening.
And the fact that my uncle is not even 100% sure what exactly he majored in is not making this any easier. Can’t we make this decision for this arranged marriage thing a little easier? We should provide more details, and accurate ones before telling a girl there is a guy for you. This is not the olden times when a girl wouldn’t ask many questions and just agree because her parents know what is best for her. Is that too much to ask?
Until then, I am happy being single. When the time comes it will. I am not going to rush it or force it. After all, matches are made up above, and the man chosen to be my life partner will come into my life when the time is right.
Sincerely,
Every Modern Punjabi Girl, awaiting for her “Prince Charming” before she says “Yes”
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