Taranjit
You might be thinking, how can she write an entire article on hellos and goodbyes? Trust me, this post may be long, but desi hellos and goodbyes last longer than it will take you to read this post. It’s like it’s a competition or something. Every time someone comes over or you go over to someone’s house, we compete to see who is able to stretch out the hello and goodbye period the longest. And, I think my parents would win the award every time.
The Hello
Here in American culture, a hello is short and sweet (at least from what I have experienced). You walk into someone’s house, say hi, and proceed on in. In a desi house, that would never fly. There is a whole process on the proper way to say hello or you will be the talk of conversations for a long time, and not in a good way.
Step 1: Waiting to enter
You have rung the doorbell or knocked on the door, and you are standing on the porch waiting for your uncle or auntie to open the door. She comes and opens the door and there better be a smile on your face when you are greeted, even if you are faking it. You have to make it appear you want to be there even if your parents dragged you there.
Step 2: Entering the house
As you make your way into the house, you say hello, or Sat shri akal in Punjabi, to every single person you see from the moment you enter the house to the moment you make it to the shoe removal area. And God forbid you forgot to say hello to one person, or in my case they didn’t hear you, you will not hear the end of it. So, if you think they didn’t hear you, just repeat it for good measures.
Step 3: Smile, hello, and give a hug
As you are greeting each person, you can’t just say hi from a distance. Nope. Not allowed. You have to have a smile on your face, and as you are saying hello, give each person a hug. Now the type of hug you give is your choice, but giving a hug is part of the process. The only time you can skip a hug is when the relative is someone you barely know or interact with. Then, you can just put your hands together and say Sat shri akal.
Step 4: Remove your shoes
You said your hellos and gave your hugs. Now you can take your shoes off in the proper area by the door and then stand there at the entrance until everyone in your family has said their hellos. Then you can finally proceed into the house. Keeping your shoes on in an Indian house is a big no-no. You don’t know what kind of stuff, dirt, and more is stuck to the bottom of those shoes, and we don’t know where you have been with them. Indians like a clean house, and if you just walked on in through the house with your shoes on, you just reversed all the hard work the residents have spent cleaning the house. And if you ever had to clean a house living with Indian parents, then you, too, would know how frustrated you would be if someone made a mess right after you spent hours getting it clean. Just remove the shoes.
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The Goodbye
Now the goodbye, with my parents, lasts way longer than it should. Longer than the hellos. My parents are really good at dragging the goodbye out for an hour or so before we are actually leaving and saying a final goodbye. Yea, you heard that right. We go through multiple goodbyes before the official goodbye.
Step 1: Notify your relatives that you are leaving
Obviously, you can’t just stand up and leave. You have to provide a notification, at least 1 hour in advance, that you are thinking about leaving. Yes, you heard me right. 1 hour in advance. Something along the lines of how it is getting late and you think you should head out. Then, the uncle or auntie will start coming up with all these excuses as to why you should stay longer. The best excuse, you can’t leave until we give you dinner. There is that hospitality.
Step 2: Sit back down for just 5 more minutes
After giving your kids that false warning that you are about to leave, and they have stood up ready to leave, you continue to talk with the kids’ uncle or auntie, before ending up sitting right back down. The kids will awkwardly stand next to you before realizing you are not leaving quite yet and return to talking with their cousins.
Step 3: Notification attempt 2.
Your parents try the same method again. Telling your uncle or auntie that it is really getting late, you have a long drive, and you should leave. The uncle or auntie tricks your parents into staying longer by starting another conversation which gets your parents talking so you stay even longer.
Step 4: Make your way to the door
Okay, so your parents have finally figured it out at this point that just saying you should leave doesn’t work. So, now they have managed to stand up, and as they are saying they should leave, they make their way towards the door. Only to stop right by the door.
Step 5: Talk by the door for a while
Progress. You made it to the door, but not quite out it just yet. Your parents are roped into another conversation with your uncle or auntie, but this one continues as we all just stand by the door. The kids looking at each other as the adults continue to talk for at least another 30 minutes, if not longer. I guess this is the parents way of stretching out their legs from sitting too long before the long drive back home, but just walking to the door is not enough of a stretch so why not start another conversation.
Step 6: You are actually leaving!
Your parents end the conversation and say you really do have to go. You say your goodbyes and give everyone a hug, and hurry to put your shoes on before your parents get roped back into another conversation. You literally have to push your parents out the door. Don’t make the mistake of walking out of the house before your parents because you will be left awkwardly standing outside while your parents are still inside and talking again. Nooooo. So, always make sure they walk out first and then follow them.
Conclusion
There you have it. The desi hello and goodbye. If you are on a time crunch and have a busy day planned, then make sure to plan in the time it takes to enter and leave your uncle’s house into the schedule. A good hour or two should be dedicated to that, or just change your plans because you will most likely not make it.
